The Little Things

It's the little things that surprise me. A Life Alert commercial just sent me into a tizzy. "I've fallen and I need help." My mother had one of those, and for some reason she didn't push the button the day she fell at home. I found her button pendant on the chair next to where I found her a few days later. I don't know if she had taken it off to get dressed, or if the paramedics took it off. Either way, the pendant that she had that was supposed to save her life didn't.

I wish I could forget the image of finding her, the way the house looked, the way it looked like she had been on the floor for a long time dragging herself through the house. Days. I wish there was some way for her to get to me. To get some help. But for some reason, the button wasn't available or perhaps she wasn't coherent enough to push the button. I am sobbing. Trying to forget.

I wish I could have helped. I wish I had come over sooner. I wish. I wish. I wish. I'm sorry. So sorry. It's the little things that surprise me these days. The little things that send me over into grief and loss. I think I'll disconnect the TV...